Broken Hearts and Mended Wounds
by prongsridesagain
Summary: Lily thinks that maybe Severus is different...maybe they can still be friends. But he quickly changes her mind and she seeks out solace in the one person she can. James/Lily One-Shot


She had missed him being around. She had missed the smell of the ink he always used. She had missed his jokes about potions, no matter how unfunny they were. She had missed their friendship and she couldn't deny that anymore than she could deny how much she hated him.

Sitting at a table in the back of the library, she looked up from her parchment for a moment to see him bent over his. His nose was practically dragging across the paper along with his fingers as he wrote. She had told him so many times to get glasses but he refused. She never understood his stubbornness against being able to see but that seemed to be only one of many things she didn't understand about Severus Snape.

"How did your NEWTs go last year?" She asked carefully, the silence more uncomfortable than talking to him would be.

"I did well enough," he said sourly, still not looking up at her.

"Oh, well…that's good." She didn't understand why he was mad, she was the one who should not be talking to him and cursing him. "How was your Christmas?"

"It was fine; you know how my holidays usually go. Yours?"

"Christmas was really good this year, thank you for asking. Though, Petunia's loaf of a fiancé was over and I had to deal with him but I had Ja—"

She stopped, Severus's shoulders tensing and she mentally slapped herself in the forehead. Of course he didn't want to hear about her amazing holiday with her boyfriend. Even though James couldn't care less about hating Sev anymore, her old friend would never give in to being friendly to James. She would never understand why either. They had bullied each other, it wasn't a one-way street.

"I like your bracelet." He said, trying to give her a real smile but it faltered and only ended up looking like a grimace.

"Thanks. It was a present."

"They had good taste…it matches your eyes."

She blushed, thinking of James giving it to her. "I guess it does."

"I got you a present. Well, it's from last year, but I never got the chance to give it to you."

"Severus, you –"

"No, I want you to have it. I can't use it anyway."

He pushed a package towards her, its wrappings a bit torn and frayed from probably being stored in his trunk. Slowly tearing at the edge nervously, she pulled the red paper back and revealed a leather journal. It was worn brown leather, her name embossed in golden letters across the front with a white lily growing up the spine. It was beautiful.

Her hands shook lightly when she looked up at him. "Sev, it's gorgeous."

"I had it specially made, obviously. I doubt many places have journals with your name on them." He seemed to curse himself from behind his long black hair before he looked at her again. "I've missed you."

"I'd be lying to say I haven't been missing you too."

"I'm so happy to hear that."

"But Severus," she set down the journal, looking at him seriously as she clasped her nervous shaking hands in her lap. "I still don't think this is going to work."

"What do you mean? We're good together, Lily, how can't you see that?"

"I'm with James for one, and you can't even look at him without trying to kill him."

"I can't believe you're with that prat, you could do so much better."

She wanted to strangle him. "I could, could I? And who is _so _much better than James?"

"Lots of people. What about –"

"Don't say yourself Severus. I know it's what you want to say but just don't." She pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. She didn't want to come here and yell at him again and she didn't want to spend the time studying for their project fighting about James.

"But I am better than Potter. I know you more than he ever will!"

"No, you don't! You don't know me at all anymore Severus! If you knew me….if you really knew me, you wouldn't have called me a mudblood. You wouldn't have let your friends curse Mary. You wouldn't have sliced open James on numerous different occasions. You wouldn't have tried to get Remus expelled!"

"He's a monster Lily! How can you possibly think he should stay here?"

"Because he is one of the nicest people I have ever met and just because he has that one fault it doesn't mean you can judge him Severus! You have so many more flaws than him, some even worse than his."

"I'm more terrible than a were-"

"Shut up Snape!" She couldn't breathe, her heart was beating a hundred miles a minute and she looked at him. His long lank hair, his hooked nose, his pale skin…he looked just the same as the day she first met him but she saw the cowardice and evil behind his eyes that he never used to have. "You don't understand anything!"

"I understand plenty. You're just dumbing yourself down for that prat and falling in love with all his little pets. Just like he always wanted."

"James is twice the man you'll ever hope to be! You just can't stand that, can you?"

He looked at her with round eyes. "Potter…twice the man…don't make me laugh."

"I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself trying."

"Very funny."

"I thought it was."

"Potter is nothing more than an egotistical mudwallower."

She bit her lip to stop the tears from forming. Not only was she a mudblood in his eyes but now James was a mudwallower. Any apologies he had tried to send her or yell at her across classrooms fell away again when she thought back to the day he had first insulted her for being a muggleborn. All the pain burst in her chest again; she looked into his black eyes and wished he hadn't turned out this way. They could have been happy together, best of friends, but he chose power over friendship. He chose the cowardly route and left her behind.

She didn't know why she tried.

"He's a mudwallower now?"

"Lily – you know I didn't mean you—"

"No, you never mean me, do you? You just insult and curse all other muggleborns but it's never anything against me. I'm not a muggleborn in your mind, is that it? I'm not as filthy as the others? Is that what you're trying to say?"

"Please, I didn't –"

"No Severus, you don't get to grovel and fix it this time. I'm not going to be nice to you again. I'm not going to wave at you ever again. I'm not going to help you. I'm done with you. I'm done with who you've become."

"Don't say that."

"I'm a mudblood Severus, a mudblood. And my boyfriend likes me just the way I am, no matter what the rest of the world says about me. You know why? Because he is kind and goodhearted and you are a sad pathetic little boy who can't see past his own nose at what is right and what is wrong. You've lost your way Sev, and I'm not going to try and lead you back anymore."

Grabbing her books, she left him at the table, the hurt stricken look on his face burned into her mind forever. She marched as fast as she could, past filled classrooms and house elves doing their chores. She ran when she got near the common room, through the portrait hole and past her friends. She hurried up the stairs until she knocked politely and then threw open the boy's dormitory door.

"Evans?" Sirius asked, looking over at her from his bed. "Are you alright?"

"Where's James?"

Remus stood in front of her now, his calm hands finding her shoulders. "He just went to take a quick shower."

"Get him." She ordered, her breathing still so erratic that the words barely passed her lips. "Please."

Sirius didn't say a word against it, not even a usual cocky comeback. He just left the room and went into the adjoining bathroom. Remus stood there still rubbing her shoulders and she hugged him tightly much to his surprise.

"What happened?"

"You're a good friend Remus." She whispered, as if she had to remind him that him being a werewolf didn't matter to her.

"You are too." He pulled back once Sirius came back, both of them leaving with Peter before James came out of the bathroom soaking wet and a towel loosely hung around his skinny hips.

She just stared at him across the dorm, his glasses slightly fogged up and his black hair dripping all over the carpet. Even if she couldn't see his hazel eyes behind his frames she could tell in the way his jaw was set that he was worried about her. She could tell in the way that his shoulders sat higher than normal that he was ready to punch who ever caused her pain. She let out a small sob before running to him and letting him wrap his warm arms around her.

"Shhhh, Lily, what's wrong? Who made you so upset?"

"I can't believe I tried to be nice to him. I can't believe I thought he might have changed."

"Lily, love, please, calm down. I don't like hearing you this sad."

She pulled back and looked up into his face, his thumbs wiping away his tears. "Do you hate that I'm a muggleborn?

"What?" He put her at arm's length away from him, looking at her as if she was insane. "Why the hell would I hate that? It's who you are Lily, it's what you are that makes me love you. The only way you could make me hate you is….is…I don't know. If you killed Sirius or something."

She snorted. "What if he deserved it?"

"Then I wouldn't be terribly mad…maybe just a quick vacation and then we'd get back to shagging."

"I don't know why I like you so much sometimes."

"Because I'm here. Because I love you."

"That could be it."

"Or it's because of my awesome body."

"No…it isn't that."

"Arrow, right through the heart that was."

"This is why I like you. You make me forget about idiots and have me smiling in less than a minute."

"It's my job, making you smile. If I can't at least do that then what kind of boyfriend would I be?"

"A lousy one I suspect."

"There you go, I'm just an amazing boyfriend."

"I hate you." She joked, his arms wrapping around her again before he kissed her neck and she smiled against him.

"I know…that's why I love you."


End file.
